Tuesday, 4 October 2011

The Feller Buncher, the Tree-Ripping Mega Claw

Obviously, this is a robot brontosaurus with a saw on its head. Left to fend for itself, it satisfies its bloodlust by bursting into two-bedroom houses, holding the occupants down with its mighty claw and shearing their faces off. An army of these could conquer the world using nothing but fear, because anybody who looks at one would assume that conventional weapons are useless against it. And trying to hide from one in the forest is clearly ridiculous, so really, the mountains or a desert would be humanity's best hope for survival.

What It Is:
The feller buncher, like the Timberjack, is a logging harvester. It cuts through trees like grass -- and we're not exaggerating. It takes less than a second to bite through a tree trunk, and it can cut through them in bunches, grabbing one after another in its massive claw. It really does need to be seen in action.
At 20 seconds, the feller buncher starts cutting down its first tree. Before 21 seconds, the tree has been cut through and is securely in the grip of the machine. At 25 seconds, the machine starts on the second tree, and by 26 seconds that tree has been lopped down and secured. Two trees in six goddamn seconds. Somewhere, Captain Planet just shit his pants.

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